mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
