I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
