she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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