Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
