Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
