Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It's blow job season.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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