Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
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