Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
