hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
