There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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