Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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