i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
