So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
