I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
