I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
