i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
