I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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