The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
