all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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