You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
