sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
