I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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