This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
