After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I have fence marks all over my body
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
