How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
