respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
