im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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