Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
