you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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