if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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