I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
