You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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