dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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