I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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