i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
