dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I am naked and annoyed.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
