apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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