I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
