You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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