Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
