wat bout pragnant strippers??
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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