so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
