considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
