You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
the day after is always just damage control
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Sorry about my life...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
