First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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