I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
even my farts smell like vagina
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
