I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
