3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
