So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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