I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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