clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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