I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
