I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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