i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
