just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
