Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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