She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
