he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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