So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
