Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
