Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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