I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
