im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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