can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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