Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
