Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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