I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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