If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
