do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
