I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
