he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
