Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
