return my video game
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
