I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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