ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
