Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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