yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
