i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
