Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I believe in your delicious
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize