I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
