4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
