Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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