Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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