i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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