this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
