you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
