What did we do last night that was yellow?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
