I accidentally burped into my bong.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
