do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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