Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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