i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
