I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
