I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
