His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
