So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
how drunk are you?
Several
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
