I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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