a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize