He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
