I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
