he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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