I'm so fucking centered right now
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
